We’re not emotional adults until we turn around, look at our upbringing, and gain perspective. Until we recognize both the good and the bad, with appreciation for the good and mourning and forgiveness for the bad.
Only in that process do we detach enough from our childhoods to make adult choices.
Yes, that means many of us are still in a journey out of childhood. I’d guess most of us, in fact. So please don’t feel like something is wrong with you if you’re still working on developing perspective.
A painful childhood leads to a self-focused place. I was motivated to work on childhood pain by serious mental illness in my twenties. That catapulted me into deep emotional work and years of prayer for insight and healing.
Thankfully, most of us are not motivated by a need to escape psychotic episodes. But without serious motivation, it’s easy to get stuck in repetitive anger and/or depression cycles through many years.
Perspective is about putting ourselves in other’s shoes and seeing life from their point of view. I guarantee you’ll get more understanding.
Not excuses or justifications, but reasons why they exploded at you, called you derogatory names, and worse.
The point of that thought exercise is not to excuse their sin, but to develop empathy for their own pain that drove their nastiness to you.
And to line ourselves up with them. To recognize that given their history and genetics, would we have done better? Or worse?
Perspective is an attempt to get God’s point of view. The objective point of view.
Hard to do when we’re in so much pain.
But crucial in order to be freer to make independent choices, not driven by pain and anger from the past.
Pray to see the person who’s hurt you the way God sees them:
“Lord, you know all my anger and pain from (name). Please help me see what you see in them. How they were/are acting out their own pain, shifting it on to me. Help me want to release them from the debt they owe me. Because you’ve forgiven me. Amen.”
Repeat daily as needed.
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Amen. Thank you, Karen.
Amen...all spot on.