My husband Jerry’s prostate cancer, diagnosed and treated many years ago, did not traumatize me. (And he’s cancer free, yay.)
“What do you mean?” you might ask. “Wasn’t it intense and scary and didn’t you cry?”
“Yes, yes, and yes.”
But trauma overwhelms our coping abilities and leaves raw feelings stuffed away.
Many of us were mistreated or suffered great loss as children. And, even if we had helpful adults close, we may not have sorted out a way to think through the experience.
Without perspective, we walk away confused, with anger and pain and fear tucked away in the closet of a back bedroom, split off from the physical memory.
Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash
If we want to live an emotionally healthy life, we need to clean out that closet. The memory and the feelings need to be reintegrated.
Also, lies need to be identified and disavowed. God’s truth needs to be experienced. If the memory feels like it happened yesterday, more healing is available.
No memory—from getting Jerry’s diagnosis to the last treatments—feels that fresh. It was intense and I was scared and I cried a fair amount. I lost some sleep and I ate too much.
But on the whole, I felt my feelings through it. No memory brings up any distress. No healing needed now. I was present to my emotions and to God’s help and perspective then.
But we can see our need for healing when a memory throws us back into an emotional fire. When a painful memory does flash through our minds, we feel like we are immersed in the experience. That stuffed away fear and anger burns afresh.
If that’s your experience, or someone you know, perhaps it is time to ask Jesus, “How do I heal this memory? Would you put my heart back together?”
Take the time to ask him to go with you, in your imagination, to the old memories and show you where he was. Ask him what his perspective is on that confusing pain.
Though the cancer process was not traumatic, childhood abuse had left my heart fragmented for years, so I know what those intrusive memories and feelings are like. Maybe you or someone you know are one of the many who walk around with a traumatized heart.
Perhaps this would be a helpful prayer: Jesus, please help me to engage with this pain. Show me where you were when that was happening. Show me your reaction to that time, those times, that hurt so much.
Show me the lies that I believe because of that hurt. Tell me truth.
I want to be free of this recurring distress. I need your help. Thank you.
(This is meant to encourage you to recognize when healing is needed and a way to engage with Jesus, not to be a substitute for additional help.)